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  • Writer's pictureCarol L Hornbeck, LMFT

Use "I" Messages

Originally published in CenterPoint Counseling's Relationship Tips

Therapist Carol Hornbeck suggests that when sharing something with your partner that makes you feel frustrated, be sure to use an “I” message.  “I feel annoyed when I find the gas tank empty;  it would help me if you could let me know ahead of time if you don’t have time to fill it up”  is much easier for your partner to hear than a “you” message such as “why don’t you EVER fill up the gas tank after you use the car?” The “YOU” message is likely to make your partner feel criticized, judged, and less motivated to engage with you to change the situation.

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